


Goodbye My Love

by Titti



Series: Goodbye [1]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-06-01
Updated: 2001-06-01
Packaged: 2017-12-15 22:16:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/854611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Titti/pseuds/Titti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Buffy thinks about Spike before she jumps. Spike thinks about Buffy right before she jumps.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye My Love

**Buffy's POV**

_It lies not in our power to love or hate, For will in us is over-ruled by fate._ Christopher Marlowe 

 

"You treat me like a man." - I am about to jump into the portal to save my sister's life and the only thing I can see in my mind is his face. What a laugh, I always thought that Spike would be in front of my eyes when I would die, to be more correct, I always thought he would send me to my untimely death. Spike, William the Bloody, the killer of 2 slayers, the evil vampire, my sworn enemy; he has so many labels but the only on that counts is the one that I have never uttered out loud: Spike, my true love.

How did I fall in love with him is still a mystery to me. I always hated him, always, or at least I thought so. I put him in a wheelchair, I beat him, I taunted him, he has always awoken these deep and primeval feelings. It just took me this long to realize that it wasn't hate, but love. The lady doth protest too much - Shakespeare must have thought of me and my innumerable denials. But how was I supposed to know that I would find all that I was looking in a vampire. I mean, I know I went down this road before, but Angel was different, he had a soul. I guess that's why I fought this so hard. Spike has changed his life because of love, his love for me. Years of training as the slayer tell me that it's impossible: vampires are soulless demons. Oh well, the Council screwed up again because Spike has proven to me and my family that he loves us unconditionally, knowing that he would never be loved back. Only he is wrong, I do love him with all my heart.

We dance, that's what will always do; that's what Spike has told me. How wrong I thought he was, but how right he was. I wish now that things had gone differently. That engagement caused by magick has become my unfulfilled dream, a dream will never come true. I have to die to save the world, to save my sister, but I wish that his ring would be on my finder to declare our love to the world. I wish that I had kissed him. I know I have, but I still yearn for a true kiss. I have kissed him while bewitched, I have kissed him because he risked his life to protect Dawn, but I have yet to kiss him for the want of it. I will never have the chance to look passionately into his radiant eyes and put my lips into his. I will never have the chance to wake up in the aftermath of our lovemaking lying in his strong arms. I will never again see his stupid grin when he wins one of our battles of the wits. I will never dance with him again. I will never have the chance to tell him how important he has become in my life, how much I care for him, how much I love him.

My mind is rambling, I know I make no sense, but so much is going on in my head. It seems that hours have passed since I said goodbye to Dawn, but it's been mere seconds. I am standing at the edge of the platform. I look down and I can see him. I thank my slayer's skills for this gift, because I can see him move. Tears are in my eyes, tears of joy. I thought he had died after that fall but he is alive. This may not make sense, but I am happy. I am the Slayer, I am going to die young like all the slayers before me. I am also immortal because my love, our love will continue to live in the heart of my undead love. Spike will carry our love with him for eternity. "Goodbye my love", I murmur softly. I can see him look up. I know he has heard me, now I can truly die happy. With a smile on my face and tears in my eyes, I jump.

* * *

**Spike's POV**

_To see her is to love her, And love but her forever…_ Robert Burns  
  
"Goodbye my love" I hear her murmur these words with a love I have never experienced. I have been on this earth for more than a century and I have never witnessed such emotion. We were enemies, we were partners, we were fighters and in her death we are true love. The Powers That Be have really lost their grip on reality. How else can you explain a vampire in love with a slayer. I don't lust after her, I am not obsessed, OK that robot may have been a little over the top, but I love her and always will. Of course, this is my Buffy, feisty till the end. She has chosen seconds before her death to proclaim her love. I am happy nonetheless, I am happy because she wants me to know that she loves me too.

I still can't explain how my unbeating heart can experience such passionate feelings for my Buffy. I am the Big Bad, I kill slayers, I am not supposed to love anyone, especially my mortal enemy. But I love her nonetheless. She looks like an angel with her golden hair and those hazel eyes that are the door to her soul. I would have given anything to make her happy, to make her smile, but in the end she is the hero who will save the world. Blast her, she has to win up till the end. Why wasn't I stronger, why didn't I prevent this? I am ready to despair but those simple words "Goodbye my love" give my joy and after many decades they give me hope. I know I am babbling like a bloody idiot but I can't seem to keep my mind still. I guess if I stop thinking and rambling, I will realize what she is about to do and my mind can't accept that. 

We are dancing up until the end. It's not the dance of death that I had predicted, but it's a dance of love. Our eyes meet even with the far distance. For once, I am really happy that I have my vampire powers that allow me to be so near her even though we are so far away. I guess that always been the case. We pretended for such a long time to be so afar, so different, while in truth we are two sides of the same coin. My brave Slayer and me. For a moment all of our adventures flash before my eyes. Not all the memories are happy, I never did like the fact that she threw that bloody piano on me and put me on a wheelchair. But hey, we live in a dark world made of love and death. I remember the first time I saw, fate couldn't be more ironic because she was on the dance floor caught up in a sexual, yet innocent dance. My memory traces all the times we fought on the same side as well as the times we fought apart. As strong as we are, we never did manage to kill each other when we were supposed to be mortal enemies, that must mean something. My trip down memory lane is stopped by the recollection of our engagement. My heart aches. I wish I still held her in my arms sitting on the Watcher's chair discussing our wedding. I was so happy then, my only goal to make my new bride the happiest woman in the world. I know I will not have that chance now. I wanted her to see me, William the man. I want the opportunity to court her, to date her, to love her, but I will not get my wish. I will never know how sweet her mouth tastes, I will never rest in her warm embrace, I will never make her mine.

I am a demon and I know The Powers That Be are not too interested in my wants and needs, but why didn't they give her true happiness in her short life. She still needs to be loved without boundaries and restriction. I want her to feel unconditional love. I want her to know that she is the most beautiful person in the world because of her caring soul. She deserves to be loved without trying to chance her, accepting her dark side with the light that she radiates when she smiles. I hope that in the time we spent together I was able to make her realize the respect and admiration that she deserves and that I feel for her because if I have done that then my unlife has some meaning. I want to run up there and tell her all that I am feeling, tell her how much I love her and how much I care. There is no time. "Goodbye my love", I murmur softly. I look up. I know she sees me. With a smile on her face and tears in my eyes, she jumps.


End file.
